Apologies for having been a bit slack on the blog front but it’s been a pretty crazy, torrid couple of weeks since my last entry. So if you’re expecting heart-lifting tales of epic cycle rides, diy disasters and walks in the wilderness I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. We’ve had some bad news – my last scan showed my liver tumours have stopped responding to the chemo and started to grow again, possibly my bowel too but we’re not 100% sure at this stage.
As of last Friday I started on a new chemo concoction which will hopefully prove more effective. There will be 12 cycles of 2 weeks in total so basically 24 weeks more of treatment. I will in all likelihood lose my hair and no doubt experience all sorts of other weird and wonderful side effects. I’m taking a leaf out of my dear friend’s Charlie’s book and getting it cut short this week in preparation.
Never one to do things by halves, it seems my liver has decided to pack up completely, the resulting effect being a horror film-esque doubling of size overnight thanks to fluid retention of truly ridiculous proportions. Basically I’ve quite literally become 6 months ‘pregnant with alien’ in a couple of days, lost my ankles – quite literally, feet are so swollen you can’t make the bones out, not that I can really see them, masked as they are by the mountain of my enormous belly – and developed very stange shaped legs.
I’d be lying if we said all this is easy to bear. Another 5-6 months of being poisoned is not an attractive prospect and it’s hugely disappointing to hear I’ve started going backwards. But hopefully the new cocktail will do its stuff and I’ll have better news further down the line. My cancer is currently being tested to see if it has the right receptors to respond to a third drug in the chemo armoury and we have all our fingers and toes crossed that it will. Having an action plan does makes things easier, even if it does stretch ahead a bl**dy long way into the future.
I’m hugely indebted to Roberta who has moved heaven and earth to help me get me a fluid draining appointment tomorrow. Whilst it’s not a magic bullet, it’ll hopefully make me feel a bit more comfortable in the short term while I wait for the drugs to kick in.
In the meantime, guardian angel Sam is doing his best to make me as comfortable as possible, waiting on me hand and foot, giving me regular massages, coming to the hospital with me and generally doing all that he can to keep my pecker up. I really don’t know what I’d do without him, I can’t imagine what it must be like for people to face these things alone.
Thank you Sam and to everyone that has sent me such kind messages and gestures of support and encouragement – they really touch me and give me the strength to carry on.